Sunday, December 28, 2008
i've never felt this lonely since.. di ko na matandaan talaga.. and since sa tingin ko ako lang naman talaga nakakaalam o nakakaalala ng blog na to.. well.. buti na lang.. so here i am.. feeling empty pero may masikip sa dibdib ko.. i remember watching mmk kagabi.. natatawa ako sa itsura ni flordeluna.. ayaw maging pen eh.. so kung nababasa mo to.. nakakausap ko si pen these past few days.. pero parang friends lang.. parang pag naguusap tayo ngayon.. di ka na nagrereply agad agad.. di kelangan may sense ang pinaguusapan.. at ang reply..
so here i am binubuhos ko ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa blog na to.. dahil sa wala akong makausap ng matino.. di ako sanay ng malungkot ak sa mga JLfriends ko.. i don't have booze para makalimot/makatulog ako sandali.. wala akong yosi na pang relieve ng stress.. meron akong asoo na gusto ko sa loob ng bahay pero umiihi kasi sya so bawal.. meron akong basketball pero wala naman akong kalaro.. lahat ng ginagawa mo pag magisa ka.. basta magisa ka.. malulungkot ka.. kahit na it's meant to cheer you up.. so what do i have?
wala apparently.. it makes me supersad.. i want to be able to deal with this by myself.. pero mukhang di kaya.. wala akong mapaglaanan ng oras.. at hindi ako yung tao maglalaan ng oras sa pagaaral.. well hindi pa.. i read pen's blog.. tungkol sa mga nilalaro.. games.. pero iniisip ko.. bakit ka pa sasali sa laro.. kung in the first place wala ka naman talagang aim manalo.. sinayang mo lang ang slot at binawasan mo yung chances ng ibang players para manalo.. kung baga pag naglaro ka ng text ikaw yung panabla.. pero sa totoo lang lumalabas pa rin naman yung panabla kahit di sya kasali.. dba? it means lang na walang panalo.. pero kung andun ka for sure maglalaro la para manalo.. not for the sake na gusto mo lang sumali.. its like disrespect sa mga kasali.. if you're not gonna give it your all.. pwera na lang kung napagkasunduan nyo na laro laro lang talaga yun..
pero i have many things to be sad about.. for one i haven't found the light.. ayoko pa rin magaral at i am not sure about my future.. di ko alam ang gusto ko.. naalala ko andami kong gustong gawin pero di naman ako pumapasok sa mga klase ko.. i know i can do it basta i put my heart into it.. ang hirap gumawa ng kahit ano pag malungkot ka.. and it takes a stronger person to get out of this slump.. iniisip ko rin na parang sa umpisa lang ako lagi magaling.. no followthroughs.. walang kasunod.. after nun.. back to my usual self again.. walang akong sense of urgency para gawin ang mga bagay na supposed to be makakabuti sakin.. i wish i had a gun para isang pindot ng gatilyo patay na ko.. but that's a shortcut para masolusyunan ang problema.. i want to feel na successful ako.. gusto kong magkapamilya.. gusto kong magkaanak.. gusto kong magkaroon ng maraming pets at plenty of room para makapaglaro sila.. gusto ko nagbabakasyon yung mga magulang ko kung san san lang at maibalik ko naman yung paghihirap nila samin.. pero right now wala ako dun.. right now.. batang paslit pa rin ako.. na laging naghahanap ng mamahalin.. ng magmamahal sakin.. ng taong magpapasaya sakin.. dati naman kaya kong magisa.. pero nagccrush ako kung kanikanino at at least lagi ko silang nakikita.. HS naman yun eh.. pag college.. ang hirap hanapin ng isang iccrush mo.. usually may gf ka na.. or may established ka na na gusto mo..
so kung nababasa mo to.. wag ka nang maingay at satin na lang to.. promise me satin na lang to.. ang laman ng blog na to.. at kung ano pa mang meron dito.. at i'm sorry.
marnii [11:33 PM]
bahibakk
disconnection notice.
There is no escaping
There is no replacing
All that you hold Repeat 2x
I could not believe
The things you said to me
But I can't let you go
No I can't let you go
Chorus:
So...
Turn of the lights now Repeat 8x
Disco... nnection notice... 'nection notice
Dressed so swell
They're dancing at the gates of hell
'Cause there's nowhere to go
There's nowhere to go
Free the press from moldy hypocrites and crackheads
Haven't you heard
There's more truth in turd
Repeat Chorus
Disconnection notice Repeat 3x
Disconnection no... tice
Disconnection notice Repeat 4x
Turn of the lights now Repeat 8x
Turn of the lights Repeat 4x
Turn
Off
The lights
not even a disconnection notice.
marnii [11:55 AM]
bahibakk
Friday, December 26, 2008
two..
in the silence beating hearts
count the hours bleeding fast
we both could leave but we decide to stay
what are we exactly searching for
what are we exactly waiting for
tears fall with the rain
confusion we cannot fail?
the distance we know all too well
what are we exactly searching for
what are we exactly supposed to know
i don't want this love to fade away
try to hold my hand we do understand
we're not the same but we complete each other
what are we exactly searching for
do we really know what we should know
i don't want this love to fade away
i don't want this love to fade away (3x)
marnii [11:10 PM]
bahibakk
how to say i love you without even saying a word.
. Stop off on your way home from work: Pick up your sweetheart's favorite "thing." Maybe it's a special flavor of Haagen-Dazs, the pizza with that wacky assortment of toppings, a new book by his/her favorite author, a CD he/she has mentioned wanting to get, a t-shirt with her/his (or as a couple your) favorite sayings on it. How about the laundry he/she keeps forgetting to pick up. Do not make a big deal of this little "love token" by some grand verbal announcement of it, instead leave it somewhere in the house where he/she will soon find it.
2. Throw that secret look: Send a smile or smirk that only the two of you understand. No words need to accompany it. Maybe it is a wink or nod or other signal the two of you have established that means, "I love you." Sending it to your lover when it is most unexpected, gesticulates tremendous warmth and affection. In all its silence, this beacon of love can end an argument, set up a soon-to-be intimate encounter or just remind your partner you are thinking special thoughts about them right in the middle of, well, nothing in particular.
3. Slip a supportive note or affirmation in her purse/his jacket pocket: Though it may be days or weeks before he/she finds and sees it. No need to ask, "Did you get my note?" Just let your mate come upon it randomly. When your mate does, the impact will be stupendous!
4. Demonstrate that you are trying to correct that annoying habit: Make an obvious effort to stop doing it. That could include picking up your dirty socks to cleaning the empty coffee cups off the center console of the car to tossing your gum in the trash when you have the urge to smack it. Do not say, "See, I'm working on that." Your actions will speak for themselves.
5. Send one of those "just because" or "it made me think of you" cards or books: Send one that has a message in it that only the two of you would get -- an affectionate or humorous one -- that reminds them you would not want to belong to anyone else. Shhh, do not mention it. By sending it, you have said it all.
6. Do a good deed for your partner: One they know you typically avoid taking on and expect them to do instead. This might be taking out the trash, cleaning up after dinner, making the kids' lunches, running to the grocery store, etc. Knowing that you did the chore or task he/she knows you generally dislike can speak volumes of how you feel about him/her.
7. Post your anniversary date in a place where your mate will see it: Whether it is on the bathroom mirror, the refrigerator door, inside the checkbook or day planner or on their dashboard. Next to it, write, "Best day of my life." No need to say "I love you," you just did.
8. Extend a gentle touch at least once a day: Not as a request for intimacy, but as a gesture of warmth and respect. A slight and tender stroke across his/her shoulder or a few soft fingertips across the cheek can speak loudly and clearly.
It's time for you to make your list. When you can, add to it. Be creative. No matter how spectacular you currently believe your relationship to be, notice how much more rich it becomes.
i hate this list.
marnii [10:58 PM]
bahibakk
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
frailty..
This bottle is bringing me down
No comfort for me in this town
All the faith in these eyes
Lost the glow and just dies
I pray, redeem this heart
And be here now.
In this war
The tears in my eyes says it all
Put all of my faith in you now
When all of the world says
We wont make it through
We'll battle the world.
I feel so alone
The situation's desperate
Until I've found my life again I drown
So save me now
Breathe new life in me
I greet the morning sky
The sun dries tears in my eyes
Awaken this sleeping heart of mine
And be here now
Awaken this heart.
lonely and directionless(kung may word man na ganito) as usual.
marnii [8:22 PM]
bahibakk
Sunday, December 21, 2008
traffic..
nako.. bakit dito ako dumaan..
grabe ang traffic oras pa naman ng labasan..
ayokong maipit dito baka mapaisip lang..
kung pano na ang buhay ko mula ng iniwan mo..
CHORUS
buhol buhol maingay at mukhang di na gagalaw..
parang ganito ang buhay ko mula nung may mawalang ikaw..
oh mr mmda man gawan mo naman ng paraan..
para umusad ng konti ito kahit sandali may magawa ako..
kesa umasa sa wala sinta ng puso ko'y parang stoplight na sira..
(repeat chorus)
(repeat chorus)
buhol buhol mula nang may mawalang ikaw.. (3x)
i badly want a guitar.. yung kasya yung daliri ko..
i remember someone who owes me a guitar lesson
from the past.. well teach me now.. gusto kong kumanta!
marnii [6:17 PM]
bahibakk
Saturday, December 20, 2008
antukin..
Iniwan ka na ng eroplano
Ok lang baby
Wag kang magbago
Dito ka lang
Humimbing
Sa aking piling
Antukin
Kukupkupin nalang kita
Sorry wala ka nang magagawa
Mahalin mo nalang ako
Ng sobra sobra
Para patas naman tayo
Diba?
Chorus:
Sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
Ng walang takot at walang pangamba
Tadhana'y merong tip na makapangyarihan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Pinaiyak ka ng manghuhula
Hindi na raw tayo magkasamang tatanda
Buti nalang
Merong langit na nagtatanggol sa
Pag ibig na pursigido't matyaga
Bridge:
Long as we stand as one
Ano man ang ating makabangga
Nothing will ever break us
Wala talaga
As in wala
Coda:
Hahalikan nalang natin ang kinabukasan
Ng buong loob at yayakapin pa
Tadhana'y medyo overrated kung minsan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng...
Baby, gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
marnii [1:15 PM]
bahibakk
Monday, December 15, 2008
change is breaking us apart.. the dawn..
Move on, it's all about movin' on
Until we are too far to see where we came from
Yesterday, is too much of a burden
So we just hide numbly in our skins
Keep the gloss, keep the shine
Let the blind lead the blind
What lies ahead is so very vague
But still we choose to grope beneath the light
We had it all planned out
Chorus:
Oh, Change is breaking us apart, Oh
Oh, Change is breaking us apart, Oh
Or maybe we just need to start again
marnii [8:22 PM]
bahibakk
Monday, December 08, 2008
it's up to me..
Alex: Gonna try to get some sleep. I gotta be back to the hospital in six hours.
Izzie: Alex wait. I'm a mess. I'm a frickin' mess and I know that and, I ... you deserve better.
Alex: Stop it. If you don't want to be with me, if this is too much for you right now, it's okay. But you're gonna have to break up with me, because
I'm not going anywhere. I can handle the mess. It's up to you.
marnii [10:07 PM]
bahibakk